I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
