New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
