It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
