listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
