You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
