Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Even my vagina gasped.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
