she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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