They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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