Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
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She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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