Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
