I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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