Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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