I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
