so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Can I color on your dick again?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
