its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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