I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
