honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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