Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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