I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
