FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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