You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My pussy is not your playground.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
