ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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