I was born with a shot glass in my hand
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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