What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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