I think my vagina is haunted
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
