So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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