Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
