I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
