If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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