I think i peed on brittanys purse
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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