Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
