i dedicated my morning wood to you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
