Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
