I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
