don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
