I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need a beard to bite.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize