God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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