Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
