It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need water and some morals
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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