Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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