apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
