I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm like, not good at living.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
