So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
