i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
