my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
