2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
