you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
