no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
