He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
