My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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