just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
