Banned from zoo.
Again?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
