It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
