no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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