I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
