woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
