I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
