If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
