Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
