forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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