So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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