Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
