You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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