i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
