If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
