I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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