It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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