I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
