i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
