okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
