He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize