If that was your dad, he is hot
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
