Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
40s are totally the cure
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
