In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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